Couples
15 questions to ask your partner instead of “how was your day?”
MO
Maya Okafor
· 6 min read
Swap the daily debrief for questions that start real conversations, from light to deep.
Why “how was your day?” stalls
It asks for a summary, and summaries are easy to give on autopilot. A specific question gives your partner something to reach for. Start light and let the conversation earn the deeper ones.
Light questions to warm up
- 1What’s a tiny thing I do that you secretly find adorable?
- 2What’s our most repeated inside joke, and where did it start?
- 3If we opened a shop together, what would it sell?
- 4What’s the best meal we’ve ever shared?
- 5What song reminds you of us?
Questions about the two of you
- 6When did you last feel really looked after by me?
- 7What’s a tradition you want us to start?
- 8What’s something new you’d like us to try this year?
- 9When did you know this was different?
- 10What’s a small moment from this year you want to remember?
Deeper questions for a slow evening
- 11What’s something you need from me that you haven’t asked for?
- 12What do you hope we’re still doing in twenty years?
- 13What’s a worry about us you’ve been carrying alone?
- 14What could I do this week that would mean a lot to you?
- 15What do you think we’re best at together?
How to use these
Take turns asking. Both of you answer every question, and don’t rush to the next one. If a question falls flat, go lighter. If one lands, stay there for a while.
Play these as cards
The Partner deck deals one question at a time and adapts to your answers.
FAQ
How often should we do this?
Once a week is enough for most couples. Five questions takes about twenty minutes.
What if my partner doesn’t want to answer?
Let them pass. A skipped question is fine; the next one might land better.