This or that questions for couples

179 questions, from cute to deep, each with a fair way out. Read them out, or play: agree and it’s a house rule, split and it goes to the negotiating table.Written by the Talk Deep team. Last updated November 6, 2026.

How the game works

Open the front door on one phone. You each answer a room of three cards, sealed.
The room is revealed together: laws, fights, and who called whose answer. A right call earns a veto.
At the negotiating table every way out has a price. A compromise takes both of you and counts as half a rule. Giving in gets you a veto next time. Objecting costs the room a point.
Sign what passed. Your house fills up over several evenings, and a link keeps it safe and brings it to your partner’s phone.

Try the first card

You said you weren’t hungry
kitchen sofa bedroom car phone front door heart of it

Twelve to start with

One for every mood. Each comes with the fair deal the game offers if you split.

- At night, are you the big spoon or the little spoon?The fair deal: Take turns. Whoever had the worse day gets to be the little spoon.
- The toilet roll: over the top, or under?The fair deal: Whoever changes it decides. That’s the reward for changing it.
- “Ready in five minutes”: does that mean five, or twenty?The fair deal: Say the real number. Twenty is a perfectly respectable number.
- A wet towel: back on the rail, or on the bed for now?The fair deal: The rail, or the next load of laundry is on you.
- The bedroom window: open all night, or shut tight?The fair deal: Open a crack until you’re both asleep. Whoever wakes up cold gets to shut it.
- Read it and didn’t reply: is that a crime, or just being busy?The fair deal: A thumbs up counts as proof of life. A real answer by dinner.
- Naming a pet: a plain human name like Gary, or Sir Waffles?The fair deal: Sir Gary. Everyone’s a winner.
- Flirting across a crowded room: a slow wink, or walk right over?The fair deal: Wink first. If they wink back, cross the room.
- Real romance: the grand gesture, or the small thing done every day?The fair deal: Small every day. Big once a year, and warn them first.
- “I love you”: say it, or show it?The fair deal: Once of each, every day. It turns out you have time for both.
- After a fight: sort it out tonight, or sleep on it?The fair deal: Say “I love you, we’ll finish this tomorrow.” Then actually finish it tomorrow.
- When you’re upset: do you want to be held, or given space?The fair deal: Ask once: “Hug or space?” Whatever the answer, it isn’t personal.

All 179 questions, room by room

Tap a room to jump to it, or take the whole list with you. Printing gives you the questions only.

The kitchen: 26 The sofa: 26 The bedroom: 24 The car: 21 The phone: 25 The front door: 31 The heart of it: 26

Cute this or that questions for couples

Spoons, straws, blanket forts. Nothing here will start a fight, though the spoons might.

Flirty this or that questions for couples

Winks, first kisses and a text in the middle of a workday. All of it fine to read out at dinner.

Romantic this or that questions for couples

Love notes, slow dances and what you each think romance actually is.

Funny this or that questions for couples

The small crimes of living with someone, ready to be read out loud.

Food this or that questions: the kitchen

Fries, forks, leftovers and what “I’m not hungry” really means.

You said you weren’t hungrySo no fries for youFries are sharedYou said you weren’t hungry, then reached for my fries. Hands off, or are fries shared property?The fair deal: From now on, “I’m not hungry” means “order extra fries.”
#The last bite on the plate: do you offer it, or eat it before anyone asks?
The fair deal
The last bite goes to whoever asks out loud. Silent staring no longer counts.
#Dirty dishes: done tonight, or left soaking till morning?
The fair deal
The big pan may soak overnight. Everything else goes in before bed.
#Dinner for two: do you cook together, or does one cook while the other cleans?
The fair deal
Cook together on Sundays. Any other night, whoever cooked is excused from the sink.
#Is the food on your plate yours alone, or are forks welcome?
The fair deal
Order one extra side for the thief. Everyone keeps their dignity.
#Takeout tonight: the usual, or something you’ve never tried?
The fair deal
One new dish per order. The usual stays on as insurance.
#Following a recipe: to the gram, or a pinch of whatever feels right?
The fair deal
Follow it the first time. After that the cook may improvise, and the other one may not comment.
#Does every shelf in the fridge have a system, or if it fits, it sits?
The fair deal
One shelf runs on the system. The rest is a free country.
#Breakfast: sitting down slowly, or toast over the sink?
The fair deal
Toast on weekdays. A table and actual plates on Sunday.
#Leftovers in the fridge: anyone’s for the taking, or labeled means mine?
The fair deal
Unlabeled by morning means fair game. Labels last 48 hours.
#An empty milk carton: into the bin, or back in the fridge for someone else to find?
The fair deal
Finish it, bin it, write it on the list. Three moves, no speeches.
#Loading the dishwasher: is there a right way, or does it all just go in?
The fair deal
Whoever cares most loads it. Nobody reloads it while the other is watching.
#At the grocery store, hungry: stick to the list, or buy whatever looks good?
The fair deal
The list comes first. Each of you gets one item the other can’t question.
#What do you want for dinner? Just pick something, or “I said I don’t mind”?
The fair deal
One names three options. The other picks one. Nobody says “I don’t mind.”
#When you cook, do you clean as you go, or face it all at the end?
The fair deal
Clean as you go on weeknights. On feast days the mess waits.
#Tupperware lids: a matching set, or a drawer of chaos?
The fair deal
Once a year, a lid amnesty. No questions asked.
#Your partner orders the dish you wanted: get something else, or order it anyway?
The fair deal
Same dish allowed, but only if you admit you wanted it first.
#“Smell this, I think it’s gone off.” Do you take it, or no way?
The fair deal
If you’re not sure it’s off, it’s off. Into the bin, no nose required.
#The date on the yogurt: does it mean what it says, or do you trust your nose?
The fair deal
Two days’ grace, then the bin.
#The good mug: first come, first served, or is it clearly yours?
The fair deal
Buy a second good mug. It will never be as good. Accept this.
#The trash is full: take it out now, or press it down one more time?
The fair deal
Press it once. The second press means it’s your turn to take it out.
#Hungry and in the middle of an argument: eat first, or finish it now?
The fair deal
Snack break at the first raised eyebrow. The fight can come back after toast.
#One pizza, two people: half and half, or two whole pizzas and no talks?
The fair deal
One pizza to share, plus a side that nobody has to discuss.
#A sip of your drink: help yourself, or get your own?
The fair deal
One sip. A sip is not a gulp, and both of you know the difference.
#Sharing a milkshake: one glass and two straws, or one each?
The fair deal
One glass, two straws, and a line drawn halfway.
#Your song comes on while you’re cooking: stop and dance, or mind the pan?
The fair deal
One song, stove on low, and whoever’s stirring leads.

Home and TV this or that questions: the sofa

Evenings in: blankets, the remote, chores, and the quiet wars inside them.

I’m coldTurn the heat upGet a blanket“I’m cold.” Turn the heat up, or get a blanket?The fair deal: Blanket first. Still cold after ten minutes? The dial moves one notch, and nobody says a word.
#The show you watch together: wait for each other, or is one episode alone fine?
The fair deal
One sneaky episode a season. It must be confessed.
#Picking a movie: scroll until you agree, or “you pick, I’ll complain”?
The fair deal
Ten minutes on the clock. Whoever picks gets twenty minutes with no complaints.
#Talking during a movie: comments welcome, or pause it or hush?
The fair deal
One comment a scene, if it’s funny. The other person decides if it was.
#The good blanket: do you share it, or does everyone get their own?
The fair deal
Shared until someone starts a slow roll. Then it’s a second blanket for everyone.
#During a show: phones away, or is scrolling fine?
The fair deal
Phones away for the first episode. After that, it’s anyone’s evening.
#Sunday afternoon: out of the house, or not leaving this sofa?
The fair deal
One walk, any length. Then the sofa, with no guilt.
#Cleaning the house: a bit every day, or one big blitz?
The fair deal
One loud hour a week with music on. Small daily jobs go to whoever minds most.
#Throw pillows: is there no such thing as too many, or where are you meant to sit?
The fair deal
Every new pillow means an old one leaves. That’s the law now.
#The remote: hand it over when asked, or finders, keepers?
The fair deal
The remote belongs to whoever didn’t pick last time.
#Spoilers: not one word, or are you allowed to hint?
The fair deal
One hint a season, and only if asked twice.
#Falling asleep during the movie: wake them up, or let them sleep?
The fair deal
One gentle nudge. After that you’re on your own, and so is the ending.
#Subtitles: always on, or never on?
The fair deal
On for anything with mumbling. Off for anything with explosions.
#The chair with clothes on it: is it a chair, or a wardrobe now?
The fair deal
One chair may hold clothes. It may not have a second floor.
#The clean laundry mountain: folded right away, or is living out of the basket fine?
The fair deal
Basket for two days. On day three, you fold together with a show on.
#A plant that’s clearly dying: one more chance, or let it go?
The fair deal
One week by the window. If there’s no new leaf, say goodbye together.
#On the sofa: do you each have a side, or can anyone sit anywhere?
The fair deal
Keep your spot, but it’s free if you get up for snacks.
#Tonight: the comfort show again, or something new?
The fair deal
New thing first. If it’s bad after twenty minutes, the comfort show wins.
#After dark: the big light on, or lamps or nothing?
The fair deal
Big light for finding things. Lamps for being alive in.
#The TV volume: even numbers only, or is any number fine?
The fair deal
Even numbers on the TV. Odd ones are allowed in the car.
#Board game night: let them win now and then, or no mercy?
The fair deal
No mercy in the game. The winner makes the tea.
#Crumbs on the sofa: plates, people, or are crumbs just cozy?
The fair deal
Plates after 8 p.m. Chips at your own risk.
#Your partner’s pile of stuff: tidy it away, or never touch it?
The fair deal
Move it to one agreed pile place. Don’t sort it. Never sort it.
#Their feet land in your lap: rub them, or feet off me?
The fair deal
Feet stay for one episode. The owner of the lap picks it.
#A blanket fort on a rainy night: build it tonight, or “we’re adults”?
The fair deal
One fort a year. Snacks must be brought inside.
#They lean in to kiss you mid-episode: pause it, or watch to the end?
The fair deal
Pause it, and whoever paused it brings the snacks.

Bedtime and bathroom this or that questions: the bedroom

Sleep, mornings, covers, towels and the toilet roll. Nothing here needs a closed door.

The bedroom windowOpen all nightShut tightThe bedroom window: open all night, or shut tight?The fair deal: Open a crack until you’re both asleep. Whoever wakes up cold gets to shut it.
#The alarm: one alarm and feet on the floor, or snooze, snooze, snooze?
The fair deal
Three snoozes allowed, but the snoozer makes the coffee.
#The covers: one big one to share, or one each?
The fair deal
One each for sleeping. The shared one is for the first ten minutes.
#Going to bed: at the same time, or whenever you’re each tired?
The fair deal
Same time twice a week. Otherwise, tiptoe.
#Falling asleep: tangled up together, or starfish, alone?
The fair deal
Two minutes of tangled. Then everyone to their own side, in peace.
#Before coffee: talk to me, or say nothing at all?
The fair deal
Quiet until the first cup is gone. Emergencies only, and the cat doesn’t count.
#Your partner is snoring: a nudge, or suffer in silence?
The fair deal
One gentle nudge a night. No elbows.
#Making the bed: every morning, or what’s the point, it’ll get messy again?
The fair deal
Last one up makes it. Two minutes, no hospital corners.
#The best part of the day: morning cuddles, or late-night talks?
The fair deal
Late talks on weekends. Morning cuddles whenever the alarm allows.
#The toilet roll: over the top, or under?
The fair deal
Whoever changes it decides. That’s the reward for changing it.
#Scrolling in bed: lights out, phone out, or just one more video?
The fair deal
Phones down when the first one says goodnight.
#Your side of the bed: a sacred border, or are borders open?
The fair deal
Sides for sleeping. The middle is neutral ground for talking.
#Your pillows: one flat one, or a fort of four?
The fair deal
Keep your fort on your side of the border.
#Socks in bed: cozy, or a crime?
The fair deal
Socks in, then off by foot before sleep. Nobody finds them till spring.
#A Saturday lie-in: up by nine, or up by noon?
The fair deal
Early bird brings coffee at ten. Nobody talks about noon.
#To fall asleep: the fan on, or total silence?
The fair deal
Fan on low, pointed at the fan person.
#Reading in bed at midnight: one more chapter, or lights out, please?
The fair deal
Tiny book light, one chapter, and the sleeper gets the wall side.
#The bathroom door: open and keep talking, or shut, always?
The fair deal
Open for teeth. Shut for everything else.
#A wet towel: back on the rail, or on the bed for now?
The fair deal
The rail, or the next load of laundry is on you.
#The toothpaste: squeeze from the end, or from anywhere?
The fair deal
Two tubes. It costs almost nothing and ends a decade of sighing.
#Cold feet in bed: on your partner’s legs, or kept well away?
The fair deal
Ten seconds of cold feet per night. Screaming is allowed.
#At night, are you the big spoon or the little spoon?
The fair deal
Take turns. Whoever had the worse day gets to be the little spoon.
#Your pet name in public: say it loud, or home use only?
The fair deal
One pet name in public a day, and never in front of coworkers.
#A kiss before you’ve brushed your teeth: kiss me anyway, or teeth first?
The fair deal
Cheeks before teeth. Everything else after.

Road trip and travel this or that questions: the car

Good for the drive itself: the passenger reads, the driver picks, and nobody can leave.

Music on a long driveDriver picksPassenger picksThe music on a long drive: does the driver pick, or the passenger?The fair deal: Driver picks the music, passenger picks the snacks. Nobody picks a three-hour podcast.
#Getting to the airport: three hours early, or running for the gate?
The fair deal
Early enough for one coffee. Not early enough for two.
#You’re lost: ask someone, or keep going because “I know this road”?
The fair deal
Five more minutes of confidence. Then the map gets a vote.
#Telling the driver what to do: is it called helping, or shouting?
The fair deal
You may point out hazards. You may not sigh.
#Packing for a trip: a list a week before, or one bag an hour before?
The fair deal
Write the list together, pack whenever you like. What’s forgotten belongs to whoever said “I’ll remember.”
#On vacation: every hour planned, or wake up and see?
The fair deal
One plan a day, before lunch. After lunch, nobody owns a watch.
#A week off: beach and nothing else, or museums till your feet hurt?
The fair deal
Museums in the morning. The towel all afternoon.
#The gas light comes on: fill up now, or you’ve got miles yet?
The fair deal
Under a quarter of a tank, the driver stops. That’s the whole law.
#Parking: take the first spot you see, or circle for a closer one?
The fair deal
One lap of the lot, then the next spot you see, no matter how far.
#A sign for the world’s largest ball of twine: pull over, or keep driving?
The fair deal
One ridiculous stop per trip. The driver picks which.
#A hot car: AC on, or windows down?
The fair deal
Windows down on the small roads. AC on the highway.
#The armrest on a plane: take turns, or first elbow wins?
The fair deal
The window seat gets the wall. The other one gets the armrest. Done.
#One night in a hotel: unpack everything, or live out of the bag?
The fair deal
Hang up the nice things. The rest can stay in the bag.
#A perfect sunset: photograph all of it, or put the phone down?
The fair deal
Five minutes of photos at every good view. Then the phone goes away.
#The car floor: it’s not a bin, or it’s just lived in?
The fair deal
Empty it at every gas stop. Takes one minute, saves one fight.
#An eight-hour drive: swap every two hours, or do it all yourself?
The fair deal
Swap at the halfway stop. Whoever isn’t driving stays awake and talks.
#Giving directions: say it early, or say it when it’s time?
The fair deal
Say it early once, say it again at the turn. No third time.
#A traffic jam: sit tight, or take any side road that moves?
The fair deal
One side road, once. If it’s worse, nobody says “I told you so.”
#Singing along in the car: full volume, or please don’t?
The fair deal
One song per trip at full volume. Then the other one gets a quiet mile.
#The hotel breakfast: up for the buffet, or sleep through it?
The fair deal
One goes down and steals a pastry for the other.
#A hand on the driver’s knee: yes, please, or eyes on the road?
The fair deal
Knee at red lights. Road at all other times.

Texting and long-distance this or that questions: the phone

How you stay in touch is half the relationship when you’re apart. Play these over a call, or send the game as a link.

Bad newsCall meText, I need a minuteBad news: call me, or text me because I need a minute?The fair deal: Text first: “Can I call you?” Then you both get to choose.
#Read it and didn’t reply: is that a crime, or just being busy?
The fair deal
A thumbs up counts as proof of life. A real answer by dinner.
#You got there safely: do you text, or do they assume you’re alive?
The fair deal
One word on arrival. “Here” counts.
#Each other’s passcodes: do you know them, or do you not need to?
The fair deal
Know it for emergencies. Never use it for curiosity.
#A night apart: a video call, or just text?
The fair deal
Ten minutes on video, then text until someone falls asleep.
#A funny video: send it right now, or save it to show in person?
The fair deal
Send it. Then act surprised when they show it to you at dinner.
#Photos of the two of you: post them, or keep them yours?
The fair deal
A photo of two people needs two yeses.
#Your name in their phone: a silly nickname, or just your name?
The fair deal
Embarrassing in the phone, normal in front of friends.
#Phones at dinner: face down on the table, or banned from the room?
The fair deal
Banned at home, face down when you’re out.
#A fight over text: finish it there, or stop and talk in person?
The fair deal
Two texts each, then it waits until you’re in the same room.
#Big news: does your partner hear it first, or whoever’s nearest?
The fair deal
Your person first, even if it’s a text from the parking lot.
#A period at the end of a text: just grammar, or a sign you’re angry?
The fair deal
If in doubt, ask “are we okay?” before writing the reply in your head.
#Voice notes: love them, or just type it?
The fair deal
Voice notes are for stories. Logistics get typed.
#Sharing your location: always on, or only when asked?
The fair deal
On for trips and late nights home. Off the rest of the time.
#Unread emails: zero, always, or thousands, who cares?
The fair deal
Nobody comments on the other’s badge. Ever.
#A couple selfie: take ten and pick one, or one and done?
The fair deal
Three takes maximum. Both people get one veto.
#Your streaming profile: share one, or hands off mine?
The fair deal
Shared profile for shared shows. Your guilty ones stay on yours.
#Good morning texts: every day, or only if there’s news?
The fair deal
One good morning on days you wake up apart.
#A one-word “ok”: is that a reply, or a warning?
The fair deal
“Ok!” for fine. “Ok” for “ask me.” Now you both know.
#The good charger: belongs to everyone, or stays right where it is?
The fair deal
Buy a second one. Tie a ribbon on the original.
#Falling asleep on a call: stay on the line, or say goodnight and hang up?
The fair deal
Stay on till the first snore, then hang up gently.
#The two of you as your lock screen, or a nice mountain?
The fair deal
The mountain on the lock screen, the two of you one swipe in.
#A flirty text in the middle of their workday: send it, or save it for home?
The fair deal
One a day, and nothing that needs a straight face in a meeting.
#Your first messages to each other: read them back out loud, or never again?
The fair deal
One message each, picked by the other one.
#A selfie for no reason at all: send it, or they know your face by now?
The fair deal
Good hair days only, and the other one has to reply.

Date night, pets and holiday questions: the front door

Going out, staying out, house guests, gifts, and who gets up for the cat.

Being on timeTen minutes earlyTen late is on timeBeing on time: ten minutes early, or is ten minutes late still on time?The fair deal: The late one gets told a time fifteen minutes earlier. Everyone knows. It works anyway.
#Leaving a party: first out, or last out?
The fair deal
Agree a time on the way there. Whoever wants to go gets to say so once, nicely.
#House guests: as long as they like, or three nights, tops?
The fair deal
Three nights, unless they do the dishes.
#The holidays: a big family table, or just the two of you?
The fair deal
Big table one year, just you two the next. Put it in writing.
#A friend of your partner’s you can’t stand: tell them, or smile through it?
The fair deal
One honest sentence, once. After that, you smile.
#Matching outfits: yes, please, or over my dead body?
The fair deal
One matching thing a year. Socks count.
#Date night: would you rather plan it, or be surprised?
The fair deal
Take turns. And nobody says “I don’t mind” ever again.
#Your next date: the first date again, or somewhere new?
The fair deal
Somewhere new, then order what you had on the first date.
#Your birthday: throw a surprise party, or never do that to you?
The fair deal
A small surprise at home. Nobody jumps out from behind the furniture.
#The pet in the bed: welcome, or not on the sheets?
The fair deal
On the bed till lights out, then down. Good luck enforcing it.
#Naming a pet: a plain human name like Gary, or Sir Waffles?
The fair deal
Sir Gary. Everyone’s a winner.
#The pet wants feeding at dawn: get up, or pretend to be asleep?
The fair deal
Take alternate mornings. The pet will still choose the wrong person.
#Shoes in the house: off at the door, or it’s just a floor?
The fair deal
Off at the door after rain. Quick dashes back for keys are forgiven.
#The keys: one hook, always, or wherever they land?
The fair deal
One hook. Whoever misses it does the next search alone.
#Visiting family for a weekend: stay with them, or book a hotel?
The fair deal
Stay one night, then a hotel “because of the early train.”
#Holiday lights: is November fine, or not before December?
The fair deal
One string of lights in November. The rest wait.
#Gifts: send me a list, or surprise me?
The fair deal
One thing from the list, one thing off it.
#Opening gifts: one the night before, or wait for the day?
The fair deal
One small one the night before. It must be socks.
#Plans at the last minute: say yes, or a week’s notice please?
The fair deal
One yes a month. Everything else gets a week.
#Saying yes to plans for both of you: check first, or “I already said yes”?
The fair deal
Say “let me check.” Then actually check.
#Telling your story to friends: fix the details, or let it be wrong?
The fair deal
One correction per story, and it has to make it funnier.
#“Ready in five minutes”: does that mean five, or twenty?
The fair deal
Say the real number. Twenty is a perfectly respectable number.
#The doorbell rings unexpectedly: answer it, or hide quietly?
The fair deal
If you ordered it, you get it. Otherwise, you’re both out.
#“Does this look ok?” An honest answer, or “yes, let’s go”?
The fair deal
Honest before the coat is on. After that, you look great.
#The neighbors: stop and chat, or wave and keep walking?
The fair deal
Stop for the ones with dogs. Wave at the rest.
#Walking together: holding hands, or hands in your pockets?
The fair deal
Hands for the first block. After that, pockets.
#Flirting across a crowded room: a slow wink, or walk right over?
The fair deal
Wink first. If they wink back, cross the room.
#They look really good tonight: say it right away, or just stare a bit?
The fair deal
Stare first, then say it. In that order.
#The first kiss of a date night: right at the door, or make them wait?
The fair deal
A quick one at the door. The real one waits.
#Pretending you just met at a bar: yes, let’s, or too awkward?
The fair deal
Try it at home, with the lights low and one bad accent.
#Kissing in public: anywhere, anytime, or a quick one, please?
The fair deal
Airports and birthdays, as long as you like. Elsewhere, quick.

Deep and romantic this or that questions: the heart of it

A round always ends here. By now you’re laughing, and these land better that way.

When I’m upsetHold meGive me spaceWhen you’re upset: do you want to be held, or given space?The fair deal: Ask once: “Hug or space?” Whatever the answer, it isn’t personal.
#After a bad day: help me fix it, or just listen?
The fair deal
Ask first: “Fix it, or just listen?” Guessing is how this started.
#After a fight: sort it out tonight, or sleep on it?
The fair deal
Say “I love you, we’ll finish this tomorrow.” Then actually finish it tomorrow.
#Saying sorry: first, even when you’re right, or only when you actually mean it?
The fair deal
Say “I’m sorry this is hard” until the real one is ready.
#A free evening: together, or on your own?
The fair deal
One evening a week each. You’ll have more to say at dinner.
#“I love you”: say it, or show it?
The fair deal
Once of each, every day. It turns out you have time for both.
#A compliment: in front of everyone, or quietly, just to you?
The fair deal
One of each this week. Watch what happens to their face.
#Big decisions: decide tonight, or take weeks?
The fair deal
Pick a date to decide by. Nobody’s rushed and nobody’s stalling.
#When you’re old: a little house by the sea, or an apartment over a bakery?
The fair deal
Find a bakery by the sea. It has to exist somewhere.
#A hard truth: tell me straight, or find a soft way in?
The fair deal
Say it straight, in private, with your hand on theirs.
#When you go quiet: should they ask what’s wrong, or let you come to them?
The fair deal
Ask once, then let it be. “I’m here when you want” is the whole sentence.
#At the end of an argument, what matters more: being right, or being close?
The fair deal
Find the one part they’re right about and say so out loud.
#When something’s bothering you: say it right away, or wait for a calm day?
The fair deal
Within a day or two, and never in the car.
#A friend tells you a secret: do you tell your partner, or does it stay theirs?
The fair deal
Say “I can’t tell you that,” and nobody takes it personally.
#The two of you in ten years: just like now, or very different?
The fair deal
Keep one thing the same. Change the rest as you go.
#Leaving in the morning: a proper goodbye, or a shout of “see you later”?
The fair deal
Ten seconds. Bags down, a real one, then go.
#Leaving a love note: on the mirror, or hidden in their coat?
The fair deal
One on the mirror, one in a coat. Neither gets mentioned.
#Saying it properly: a handwritten letter, or a voice note?
The fair deal
A voice note this month, a letter on the anniversary.
#Your anniversary: a big night out, or a quiet night in?
The fair deal
Big night on the round years. Quiet night on the rest.
#Falling in love: all at once, or slowly, then all of a sudden?
The fair deal
Tell each other the exact moment. Compare notes.
#Slow dancing: anywhere, no music needed, or only at weddings?
The fair deal
One slow dance a month, in the kitchen, lights low.
#Caught in the rain together: stop and kiss, or run for cover?
The fair deal
One kiss, then run.
#The most romantic plan: up for the sunrise, or out for the stars?
The fair deal
Stay up for the stars, and sleep through the sunrise.
#Real romance: the grand gesture, or the small thing done every day?
The fair deal
Small every day. Big once a year, and warn them first.
#Keepsakes from your dates: keep every ticket, or just the memory?
The fair deal
One box. When it’s full, you pick the best ones together.
#Your song as a couple: just the one, or a long playlist?
The fair deal
One song, and a playlist for the drive.

Random this or that questions for couples

Can’t pick a room? Eight at random, every one with its fair deal.

- #Dinner for two: do you cook together, or does one cook while the other cleans?
  The fair deal
  Cook together on Sundays. Any other night, whoever cooked is excused from the sink.
- #Your song comes on while you’re cooking: stop and dance, or mind the pan?
  The fair deal
  One song, stove on low, and whoever’s stirring leads.
- #Crumbs on the sofa: plates, people, or are crumbs just cozy?
  The fair deal
  Plates after 8 p.m. Chips at your own risk.
- #The bathroom door: open and keep talking, or shut, always?
  The fair deal
  Open for teeth. Shut for everything else.
- #An eight-hour drive: swap every two hours, or do it all yourself?
  The fair deal
  Swap at the halfway stop. Whoever isn’t driving stays awake and talks.
- #Your streaming profile: share one, or hands off mine?
  The fair deal
  Shared profile for shared shows. Your guilty ones stay on yours.
- #The keys: one hook, always, or wherever they land?
  The fair deal
  One hook. Whoever misses it does the next search alone.
- #A free evening: together, or on your own?
  The fair deal
  One evening a week each. You’ll have more to say at dinner.

Funny house rules for couples

In the game every side of every card is a law, ready to pass if you both pick it. That’s more than 350 rules in all. A few of our favorites:

- You said you weren’t hungryFries are shared property. Denial of hunger is not a defense.
- Food on your plateA plate is a sovereign nation. Forks need a visa.
- House guestsGuests, like fish, expire on day three.
- “Five minutes”Five minutes is a mood, not a measurement.
- Matching outfitsNobody in this house will ever match on purpose.
- A period in a textA period at the end of a text is a declaration of war.
- The doorbell ringsWe are not home. Do not move. Turn the TV down.
- The alarmThe snooze button is a human right. Three alarms is a morning routine.
- Passenger-seat drivingPassengers shall not brake with their feet. That pedal isn’t real.
- “Smell this, it’s gone off”When asked to smell something, you smell it. That’s what love is.

Free printable: a house rules sheet for your fridge

Couples who finish a round get their own sheet, with their own rules and signatures. This blank one is for everyone else.

One page, twelve starter rules, blank lines for your own, and a place for two signatures. Free to print, and free to use on your blog, in a class or in a newsletter, with a link back to this page.
Download the PDF Download the picture

How to play this or that as a couple

The rule that makes it work: pick fast, then explain slowly. Answer apart if you can. When neither of you can see the other’s pick, nobody can quietly change their mind to keep the peace.

Mix silly with real. Three questions about fries buy you one about what you need after a bad day, which is why our round ends at the heart of it.

Not living together yet? Play as if you were. Finding out you disagree about the bedroom window costs nothing now.

Why small questions are worth asking

A question about fries is a small bid for attention, and small bids add up. The Gottman Institute describes a study of newlyweds: the couples still married six years later had turned toward each other’s bids about six times in seven, and the couples who had divorced about one time in three.

Why the ones you disagree on are the good part

A split isn’t a bad sign. The Gottman Institute says about two in three relationship conflicts are perpetual: they come from basic differences in personality or lifestyle, so couples keep coming back to them. The window may never be settled. You can still get good at the talk about it. That’s why every card here has a fair deal, not a right answer.

More this or that

This set is written for two people who are together. For friends and parties, there’s a bigger list of this or that questions with live votes. Want a harder choice? Try would you rather for couples.

Questions people ask

What are good this or that questions for couples?

The ones with no right answer and two people who’ll defend theirs: window open or shut, the last bite, hold me or give me space. Mix silly ones with a few that matter, and put the silly ones first.

What are cute this or that questions for couples?

Small, warm ones with no wrong answer: big spoon or little spoon, one milkshake with two straws, a blanket fort on a rainy night. There’s a full cute list on this page, along with flirty and romantic ones.

What are funny this or that questions for couples?

The ones about real small crimes: “You said you weren’t hungry,” the wet towel on the bed, whether “five minutes” means five. The kitchen and the phone are the funniest rooms on this page.

How do you play this or that with your partner?

Each of you picks one side of every question, then you compare. Here you each answer a room in secret on one phone, then the room is revealed together. It also works through a link.

What happens when we disagree?

The fight goes to the negotiating table. A compromise needs both of you and counts as half a rule. If one of you gives in, the other side passes and you’re owed a veto next time. If you object, it stays open and costs the room a point. A veto, earned by calling the other person’s answer, overrules.

Can long-distance couples play?

Yes. Answer on your phone, send the link, and your partner answers on theirs. You both see which rules you agreed on and where you split. The calls, the negotiating and the signatures need one phone, so they wait until you’re together.

Is it free?

Yes. It runs in the browser, with no sign-up and no app. The printable fridge sheet is free too.

What does the score mean?

Only how many rules you passed. It isn’t a compatibility rating, and the ones you don’t share are usually the better conversation.

Do we get new questions if we play again?

Yes. There are 179 cards, and a round deals ones this phone hasn’t seen yet, in rooms that are still dark. From the second round, an old fight comes back and a law comes up for a vote. All seven rooms take at least four rounds.

Where is our house saved?

In this browser, with nothing sent to us. Browsers can clear that, so the game gives you a link that holds your house. Save it, or send it to your partner to open on their phone.

More games

Would you rather for couplesEvery card is a fork in the road. Pick apart, make a secret call on each other, and your two picks write the ending.

Couples compatibility testAnswer the same questions apart, then see every answer side by side, topic by topic.

Soulmate testDon’t pick what you like. Pick what they’ll pick. Every match ties a knot in your red thread.

This or ThatTwo options, twelve cards, no time to think. There’s a catch. We’ll tell you at the end.